I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
