No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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