dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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