we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
