I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Dicks are not precious.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
