We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I would ride that face into the sunset
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
we should paint friendship bongs
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
