hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
