Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I fill condoms, not promises.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
