Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
