Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
