I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
