i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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