a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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