I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
