I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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