had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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