watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
