so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
