we have pet lesbian snakes
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
