Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We left the knife in your bed.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
