Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
