I checked into jail on foursquare
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
