My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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