Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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