A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
