never play flip cup with pint glasses
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
