conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's shark week go big or go home
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
