Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
