sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
