he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize