Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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