this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
