He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
