I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
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