she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
