i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
where are my eyebrows?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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