I'm eating all of the evidence.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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