Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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