girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
the liver wants what the liver wants
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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