Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
