so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
