Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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