Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
