gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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