At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
