did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
