I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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