forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
