Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
