A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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