if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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