as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
