My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
