I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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