I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
