Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
