i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
