i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
