addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
