Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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