he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
