So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
They have beer where we have blood.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
