he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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