That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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