Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
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I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
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I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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