OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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