I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
