how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
