ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
