i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
