Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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