Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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