I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
