I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
