Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
